


The Fine Line

by SupercalifragilisticexpertwritinBullshit



Series: Slave Crowned [2]
Category: Final Fantasy, Final Fantasy VI
Genre: Angst, Consensual But Not Safe Or Sane, Drama, Eventual Smut, F/M, Lust, POV First Person, Passion, Romance, smut with plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-17
Updated: 2018-09-17
Packaged: 2019-07-13 17:34:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16022675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SupercalifragilisticexpertwritinBullshit/pseuds/SupercalifragilisticexpertwritinBullshit
Summary: Join Terra through her journey with the Empire. How one's emotions and desires conflict with the status quo and with others.





	The Fine Line

**Author's Note:**

> This a sequel kind of. Well it's a pairing mostly with the Vaults of Madness. As usual, it has discrepancies as mentioned in the before notes. I recommend you read that one first. However they are both long so good luck and thank you for those who actually read both of them. I appreciate it.

>  
> 
> How can love be magical when there is a fine line between love and hate?

 

I don’t remember much of my childhood. Just bits and pieces here and there. I remember having a nanny. Whose name I can’t remember, I just call her nanny. For the longest time, I thought she was my mother. Light brown hair, soft blue eyes. She had kind eyes, the one that I wished to inherit. I remember being rocked slowly in her arms, I’m sure she loved me. At least I like to think so. She is sitting in a chair and she cradles me singing a tune I don’t recognize but is comforting none the less.

Memories are thin here and there I remember flowers. Roses the white fabric like petals slowly turning brown and black then at last dust. I remember Cid yelling when I was a child I didn’t understand why but now I think about it, I suppose it makes sense.

Memories go here and there I remember my room it is a nice large size chamber. It has toys and blankets. I’m happy. I’m happy when I was outside when I looked up and saw the bright sun blinding me. I was happy when I wasn’t cooped up. I remember faintly taking out my frustrations out on the flowers. I don’t remember what they were. I faintly remember a young man with piercing blue eyes. I have to remind myself it is him. They are the same even if it seems impossible.

I remember a bit more. I remember Cid taking me to a laboratory. They would stick needles in me, they were taking my blood. They were observing me, testing me, having me try to do things. I didn’t understand what they are asking for. They ask things like move objects, freeze this, burn that, somehow they believe I can do so. Maybe I can? I just didn’t know how. It comes in bursts at first when I’m frustrated, angry, or really sad. I accidentally hurt someone or light things on fire. I’ve burnt her, my poor nanny I accidentally caught her skirt on fire. I remember her limping for weeks. It’s saddening. Then one day when I least expected she was gone. I was perhaps seven or eight. I remember them escorting me across the grounds where the soldiers trained and then be told that this was my new room.

I remember stepping in it was a small chamber, a small size bed and a drawer. There were no more toys, no more pretty blankets, just a plain bed, and a drawer. I remember hearing the door close behind me softly before walking up to the drawer. I pulled it open there was a uniform, on the chair beside me there was some type of armor. I did not know they had made armor that size. I remember sitting on my bed looking out the small window watching the sunset. The next day General Leo is at my door.

“Get up, get dressed,” he says. It was very early in the morning, immediatley, I became frantic trying to get dressed. I remember being told to run in the early morning with the rest of the soldiers. I remember them running past me eying me curiously. I was told to stretch and forced to exercise, then I was sent off to learn. I was taught how to read, write, taught how war worked, how the Empire was run, how they had to protect people for their own good. They didn’t know what was good for them, they didn’t know how to protect themselves. I believed it. In the afternoon I was forced to try and use my powers. They called it magic.

They told me stories of old that there were gods, the Warring Triad who fought but their fighting brought imbalance to the world. Their fighting had turned people into magical creatures and when the three gods had seen what they had done they had turned themselves into stone. I am told that no one else has had the power I have. That I was born special but they don’t tell me why or how did they know. I’ve come to accept that they knew.

Soon another person is around it is another girl she is pretty with big blue eyes and long blonde hair. She is special like me. Why else would she be here if she wasn’t the same as me? She’s special in another way. I’m happy she is the same age as me, when we are in class I want to get to know her but she is very interested in studying. Plus I worry what if she doesn’t like me? We are quiet, we silently acknowledge each other but neither of us speaks.

I want to play with her but I do not know where her room is. I look around but she is never around. I’m pretty sure I found her room but when I knock I get no answer. I’m allowed to wander around certain areas of the palace and grounds. I remember hearing voices from the greenhouse. The door is partially open just a small crack. I remember looking through the crack and peeking. It is Cid and Celes. He is teaching her how to garden.

“Is this how you do it?” she asks. He looks and nods.

“That’s right don’t pack in the dirt too tightly or it will be harder for the seedling to grow,” he explained. She nods.

“Isn’t this so pretty?” she asks looking at his flowers the lilies and roses. He nods.

“Yes they are, they bring so much peace. The flowers are so light they blend in well with your skin and hair,” he notices. Cele's smiles and nods. She holds the fragile flower in her hands gently.

I’m not allowed to go in the greenhouse unaccompanied. I try not to visit often and when I do Celes is already there talking to Cid. I want to raise my hand and knock on the door but I never gather the courage to do so.

“How do I look?” she asks as she turns.

“Like a princess, so heavenly you look, that is why your name is Celes like an Angel you are like the sky,” he said. I nod in agreement but then a little bit of sadness washes over me. Cid rarely compliments me other than my ability to use magic.

I don’t remember the first time but I do remember some of the attempts. I remember putting on my armor I remember being trained with a sword, we’re hitting a dummy but my feeble attempts are not as good as Celes. Soldiers look at her in awe. She is so much better than me, her attacks her strikes are graceful and sharp. Now I know why she is special.

Then one day when I least expected, General Leo asks for us to duel. We are covered in armor and we are forced to face each other. I remember staring at her as she stared back. Her gaze is not threatening then he tells us to fight. Neither of us attacks at first, our first attacks are simple but then her gaze changes it is filled with a determination that I cannot match. I am bested my arm is hurt, General Leo is impressed. I’m sent into the infirmary.

It happens every once a week we are to face each other. I always lose and I am sent to heal, my body is full of bandages and yet I hardly have any scars. The doctors do not understand why but they are amazed and I suppose I must be grateful. I remember practicing trying really hard on a dummy. I remember Celes coming up to me.

“Hi, do you want help?” she asks. I stop and lower my head thinking about it before nodding. She begins to hit the dummy as I was doing but she is doing it with skill and moves I do not know.

“How do you do that?” I finally ask, she shrugs.

“I just know, I think I was taught when I was very young but I don’t remember too well,” she admitted. “Then I was here,” she said. She shows me a few moves I am able to copy them but I know in battle it might not be the same.  I am just happy that we are not fighting each other for once. I’m happy she is talking to me like a friend and not a stranger.

It is, all the same, I wake up and we go out and exercise, we eat then we go to classes, then we eat and practice, some days it’s with a blade other it’s with magic. I’m always being pushed. When they think I’m not listening I hear them talk about trying again. Trying what I’m not sure. I think it’s something secret and important. Perhaps it has something to do with the war? Every once in a while Emperor Gestahl comes to watch us, he always seems very pleased. I can feel him staring intensely like a father who is expecting something but I don’t know what.

I am getting better at the blade but not fast enough. When dueling Celes, she’s very competitive and General Leo is always complimenting her. I think he’s very fond of her. He sees her as the daughter he never had. She glows when General Leo compliments her and when he advises her she nods and understands perfectly. In a way I’m jealous, I just want to be complimented and admired but I never seem to do anything right. We are fighting and I can see her ferocity and I am trying my best. I’m able to block her and push her back with my blade. She recovers quickly and she is on me again I step back but I slip, I lose my footing and I’m on the ground. I am bested and all I want is for General Leo to say I did a good job. Celes pulls the blade that’s by my throat and turns around. For once I want to be noticed and I attack once more but General Leo steps in. His sword blocks mines as he pushes me back with the simple wave of his arm.

“The match is over, Terra,” he warns. I swallow silently as I look back at Celes who has turned around and looks a bit confused and hurt. I have broken the rules of dueling to never attack before or after a duel is done. I feel ashamed. Then I heard someone mention my name.  I look up confused. It is tactician Kefka Palazzo. I rarely often see him but lately, he has been dressing more strangely. He sounds like he is defending me but I’m not sure. I glance over to see a few soldiers trying to hide their laughter. I’m pretty sure they are laughing at Kefka’s strange clothes. I think they’re pretty but I suppose not everyone thinks so. Soon the conversation is over and everyone goes their separate ways. I turn back around and head to my quarters.

The next time I’m in class I ask what it takes to become a tactician. They say it takes someone very smart and cunning. Since no one ever tells me such things I suppose I am neither. I still try my best to understand the job very well. I read a few books and it does give me headaches. I suppose my gifts are not in that area. I slowly accept this.

The war is slowing very much the Empire has a lot of territories and no one is resisting. That is a good thing I suppose. We are still being trained diligently as if the war has not come to a lull. Day in and day out I’m training becoming smarter, more skilled, and braver. I think I’m starting to see the world for how it is. The thing is I’m not sure if I like it or completely understand it.

“Do it again!” General Leo demands and I do it. I burn a dummy down in a wave of flame. “Again,” he says and I do as I say. Though each time I do it I get more and more tired. He is drilling me and I can see Celes leaning against the wall watching me with a strange disinterest. I suppose she has seen me do this for months now. I can hear him talking amongst the other soldiers. “She should be stronger than this even Kefka seems to be more capable and he was not born with it. It is absurd that court jester is in more control than she is,” I hear General Leo say to one of his subordinates. I look down and swallow. It hurts to hear that. What am I doing wrong? I don’t think it’s absurd for Kefka to be stronger than me either but maybe they are right.

I’m fighting against a dummy next to Celes.

“What do you think of Kefka?” I ask. “Do you think it’s absurd that he is stronger than me?” I ask as I stop swinging my blade. Celes stops and sighs.

“I don’t know he’s hardly around, kind of a weird guy,” she says with a shrug. “He’s supposed to be a brilliant tactician and I have heard he is quite skilled with magic. I want be able to use magic,” she says before going back to her dummy. I look down and away.

“I don’t think so. So General Leo can have you burn dummies and objects for hours in the evening? It’s not fun,” I say to her before practicing myself, raising my blade and striking.

“It’s not supposed to be fun its war. Besides I think I can do it and do it well,” she said confidently. I glance at her and strike my dummy again. Maybe she is right maybe she could do it well. Maybe I should be thankful for my powers. Days pass and I’m growing weary and bored. I feel weird in my body. Celes is always wearing tight-fitting leathers and she seems quite proud of her muscles and skin. However, when I look at the mines it is thin, I feel weak. I try not to think about it so much but somedays I feel lonely. So when Cid starts asking me for help I’m more than ready to oblige. He takes me back to the laboratory. When I enter I can’t help but look around but somehow it seems familiar.  He sits me down and I feel them stick needles in me again.

“What are you doing?” I ask. Cid mumbles for a moment.

“Just a sec, there, we are taking out some of your blood,” he replies. I nod my head confused.

“Why?” I ask.

“We’re going to modify it and then use it for our experiment,” he answers. I nod. I want to ask for more but I’m not sure he would answer me or not. The next couple of times he does this for an hour at night. I am more drained and tired but I want to be helpful. One day I finally ask him. “What’s the experiment?” I ask. He’s silent for a while as if he’s thinking about if he should tell me or not.

“It’s for Celes, we are going to make her a Magitek Knight just like you and Kefka,” he said. I nod but I feel faint. Why would they do that? Aren’t me and Kefka enough? I’m sad at first but I am told this is what Emperor Gestahl wants. I’m reminded that he saved my life and I owe my allegiance to him. Who am I to protest? Another question pops into my mind and I’m almost afraid to hear the answer.

“What does this have to do with my blood?” I finally ask. Cid looks frustrated before looking down sighing.

“Ah, Terra, I wanted to tell you much sooner but I just never got around in doing it,” he said. He looked down struggling with himself. “It’s because you’re different,” he started. I nod.

“Is it because I can do magic naturally?” I ask. He nods slowly.

“Yes, very,” he pauses. “It’s because you’re special Terra, we are quite sure of your heritage, we believe that you are half Esper,” he finally reveals. My face goes blank. I can’t believe what he is telling me.

“How is that possible?” I finally whisper. He shakes his head.

“We don’t know,” he answers. “My job is just to be able to figure out a way to share your power,” he said. “I wouldn’t dwell too much on it,” he says as if was nothing. I’m quiet I’m finally recognized as someone special but I’m left wondering about what I am. Am I even human? I’m confused. I’m conflicted for days but I do my best to hide it. I carry on the best I can it’s just words I have no real proof. Soon I was promoted yet I have not seen battle yet not a real one anyways. I am given a new room it is closer to the castle it’s not much bigger than my other one either. It has a larger bed, an armoire, and a vanity with a mirror. I’m very excited for the mirror but it doesn’t have a window. I don’t like the fact it doesn’t have a window. I can’t see the sun or the sky. I can’t feel the winds breeze, it’s a very suffocating feeling. I don’t have very many belongings but I’m happy with what I do have. A few clothes, mostly armor, some books, some jewelry, a makeup kit from Celes last year. I’m allowed to go out on my own now. I’m a knight and both General Leo and the Emperor believe I am quite capable of taking care of myself. Since I hate being kept in my room I prefer to be out in the fresh air where I can breathe.

Every once in a while I go out to buy a thing. Vector is always so full of soldiers that salute me when I pass. I smile at first but when others notice this they move away from me. So many people stay away from me. I don’t mind it so much. I like to be out of the city where nature is around. Where the crickets chirp and squirrels play. I feel happy and I feel alive.

Soon I’m dueling Celes again and she is more than ready to become a magic user. She’s constantly talking about besting me with the sword and in magic. It’s a bit disheartening I know she’s just overconfident and competitive. She strikes me in my arm and it hurts. Her words must have gotten to me and distracted me.

“Go to the infirmary, Terra,” General Leo says with a sigh.

“Yes…” I say with a nod.

“Yes, sir!” he scolds.

“Yes, sir,” I say before walking away. I’m back at the infirmary and they are taking off my armor. The nurse begins to panic as she looks for the ointment. I stare at her and I can’t help but feel sorry for her. My wound is bleeding and it stings but I have been hurt so many times before I am used to it.

“I’m sorry Terra, I don’t know what happened. It was just here, please don’t be upset, we’ll fix this!” she says scared. I don’t know why she is so scared. I hold my wound and close my eyes and slowly I breathe out and I feel a cool burning sensation like water trickling over my wound. When I open my eyes my wound is closed and the bleeding has stopped. The nurse gasps as she walks over and examines in awe. “I saw you…I saw you do it! You healed yourself!” she said in shock. I shrug and then smile.

“I guess so,” I say before hopping off the table. I’m hungry now and all I can think about is lunch. After eating I return back to my room. Though when I arrive I realize my door is already open. I push it further about to step in when I gasped. At my vanity there sat Kefka and he was using my makeup. He looks in the mirror gazing in my direction and I can’t tell if he is angry or upset. Finally, I get the nerve to ask my question. “What are you doing here?” It doesn’t take him long to think it seems and he answers honestly.

“Well, I’m putting on this makeup! Isn’t it obvious?” Kefka replies.

“Yes…but why in my room?” I ask confused. He turns around before looking around my room briefly he looks unimpressed.

“This is your room?” he asks and I nod slightly embarrassed. He scoffs in shock glancing over the room once more before laughing. He stands up suddenly, “Ah, I’m so sorry for intruding!” he lets out. “It shall not happen again,” he says before squeezing past me and leaving. He is mumbling to himself and he laughs once more. I walk into my room and make my way to the vanity. I look at the makeup set. I never used it. I wonder why he was putting on makeup, to begin with? There are a lot of strange things about Kefka I do not understand. Days pass and Kefka is now parading the grounds with makeup as well. It’s always done nicely. People call him names like a clown, ass, and fool. Sometimes I wonder but how can someone so smart and powerful be those things. Maybe they are just jealous, maybe there are things we just simply don’t understand. I’m always out of my room more than in. Out by the country near the mountains. The wind blows and it’s soothing. I am alone most of the time but I don’t mind when I’m out laying in the prairies looking up at the night sky. I don’t feel so alone and sometimes I feel that something is out there watching me too.

I’m constantly sneaking out. I’m allowed supposedly but I always feel like I must sneak by the guards who salute me as I pass. I lay in the prairie as I hum to myself. I watch the sunset and the moon rise. I lay down as I look at my fingers, my nails are growing and they need to be cut. I close my eyes for a moment and I feel my fingertips tingle and a light glow comes out. I’m always asked to create fire. I know I should go back and I sit up and force myself to return but then I hear something in the bushes behind me. I turn and I see something odd like a ball like antenna. I tilt my head my fingers still tingle with magic as I touch the plants around me pushing them out of my way. When I get near it stops for a second and approaches me. It’s a Moogle! I always thought they were myth or legends. When I heard soldiers tell stories of seeing one, General Leo said they were just hallucinating. I bend down low and smile, my heart is racing, I’m so excited and it is so cute and fluffy looking. I slowly raise my hands to touch it but it backs away with a coo. I gasp as I sigh.

“Hello…I’m…Terra,” I say to it and it just stares.

“Kupo?!” it lets out and I smile happily.

“Kupos? I try to repeat.

“Ku Kupo,” it said as it jumped in the air. I gasped looking up it flew in the air and twirled.

“Oh wow!” I was amazed this moogle was it happy to see me. I don’t know why but I know I’m happy to see it. It hopped about as it jumped and twirled. It looked so happy and before I knew it I began to try and copy the moogle as I twirled around as well. The moogle was so excited as it flew about and I spun around with it. I closed my eyes as I turned I heard a soft coo and suddenly I heard nothing as if its wings had stopped flapping.

“There you are my little witch, dancing in the pale moonlight,” I heard and I gasp. I open my eyes confused was it gone? What happened? I turned around to look but then I saw him. Kefka. My heart sunk did he scare the Moogle away? It had been so long since I felt so alive and now it was gone. He approached the moonlight illuminating his sharp face, he’s grinning and I’m not sure it looks more sinister or happy.

“Kefka…sir,” I finally force myself to say. “I’m…I’m sorry,” I apologize. I know I’m caught and I’m probably in trouble if they sent someone like Kefka to find me.

“Terra I have been looking for you. Yet here you are being a naughty little girl,” he says, my heart sinks as I stare at the ground readied to be scolded. “I am not the Emperor, I will not scold you,” he then lets out as if he has read my mind. He is near me and I can feel him hovering over me.  “We must be careful, we don’t want you getting lost or hurt,” he places his hand firmly on my shoulders briefly before he lets go just as quickly as he places them. It felt weird but I didn’t know what, like a static burn. I simply nod as a response. “Come, it’s time to return, tomorrow is a new day and I have been appointed as your mentor,” he says as he turns back around. I nod once again as I begin to follow then I actually realize what he had said.

“Mentor?” I asked confused but more out of clarification.

“Yes, it’s time to make sure you are truly battle ready,” he says nonchalantly with a wave of his hand. We head back to the palace. It is late and I missed dinner. It’s my own fault but when I lay down in my bed only a candle and its small flame is there to keep me company. I can’t help but think of the magical evening I had. I wished I had a toy, a stuffed toy like a moogle to cuddle with. Though I am Magitek Knight and I’m no longer allowed to have toys. I’m a bit sad but still happy to have experienced such a thing that it helps me fall asleep.

My morning routine is the same. I get up exercise, stretch, practice then breakfast, go to classes, then lunch, then practice a bit more. However, instead of General Leo asking me to do the same thing over and over again, Kefka is now here.

“Alright, show me what you got,” he says as he lifts his leg up and picks a slug off his boots. He grimaces at it for a moment before tossing it to the side. I nod as I face forward. I close my eyes for a moment, I do what General Leo expects me to do. I feel my hands tingle as I breathe and I throw my hand out and burn the dummy in front of me. It’s been charred many times over and now it has finally fallen apart. He tilts his head and smirks. “Not bad,” he says. I look at him and smile the feather behind his hair makes him look like a bird. I turn away and try my best to hide my smile, after all, he is my mentor now. “But I think we can do better than that!” he says. He whistles suddenly and he jerks his head at a soldier to come forward.

“Yes, Kefka, sir?” he asks as he salutes.

“Bring me ten more of these…dummies,” Kefka orders. The soldier nods.

“Yes, sir,” he says as he leaves. I hug myself. We are quiet for a moment and he seems bored and impatient. Finally, a few soldiers return carrying dummies. Kefka tells them where to place them. He surrounds me with the dummies before stepping back.

“Alright, Terra I want you to burn all these dummies as fast as you can,” he asks. I look around me. I never did so many at once. I nod before taking a step back. I bite my lower lip trying to concentrate, I can feel the other soldiers watching me from a distance. I can feel my fingers tingling in both hands. At first, I raised my right hand a stream of fire comes out I make sure the first one is good and burned up before going to the other my arm gets tired after the third and I soon throw my other hand up and I’m using both hands to burn them. They’re lighting up faster and the flames around me are making me hot. It’s taking a lot of strength to burn them as fast as possible. Though I can hear them, the gasps and awes from the soldiers looking at me burn the dummies. I’m sweating a bit as I try to push their gasps and whispers in the back of my mind. Finally, I am done and drop both my arms and my head. I hear a couple of footsteps and Kefka looks around and inspects my work.

“Eh…I think we can do better than this,” he says, my eyes widen he sounds unimpressed. I swallow confused as I finally look up at him. “We’ll try again tomorrow,” he says with a small grin. He must have realized how tired I looked. “For now rest up and eat,” he says. He walks away and I stand there in shock as I can feel the flames of the dummies around me. Finally, I get the nerve to walk back to my quarters. Everyone walks away from me. No one dares looks at me as they salute and move out of my way. At the moment I’m too tired to care. The next day we do it again. I do it a bit faster and I’m not as tired as the first time I tried. The soldiers still just stare at awe, they whisper behind my back but I can’t make out their whispers.

After morning exercises I see how a few soldiers approach General Leo and Celes with ease. They look at them with admiration and respect. However, when they look at me their gaze goes blank and changes. They quickly look away, they salute me and pass. I want them to not fear me and when Kefka asks me to set the dummies aflame again. I’m reluctant I don’t want anyone to see me and I do it once a few of them grow bored of waiting and walk away. When I finally start Kefka is holding up a timer. I drop my arms tiredly. “Not bad, took you a long time to start but when you did, you really got them burning,” he said. “Bring out some new dummies, I believe these are well done,” he said with a sly smirk. The soldiers do what they’re told. I sigh as he asks me to do it again.

“Why?” I ask simply. He cocks his head and he looks taken aback.

“Because it is an order. I order you to do so!” he says strongly. I nod but when I raise my hands I can’t seem to get the fire to come. “What’s the matter, my sweet?” he asks. I raise my head confused, no one has ever called me that. I shake my head.

“I…I just can’t right now,” I admit. He sighs as he walks to me. He slowly approaches me.

“Is it because the others watch you in awe?” he asks. I’m not sure what he means but I nod he is partially right. “Well don’t be ashamed, they’re just marveled by your power!” he says simply leaning back. “If you don’t want them watching I can send them away,” he says as he steps back. “All of you turn around or leave! That’s an order!” he threatens. Many of them hurry off a few of them turn around as they were on guard duty. I swallow I try once again. It takes a bit but I’m able to do it once more. I suppose what he did help. I take a deep breath and sigh dropping my arms. The next couple of days go well. I realize the faster I get it done, the less they whisper. Also, Kefka seems quite pleased as well.  He claps as I quickly burn up the dummies in record time. “There you go my little firebug,” he says proudly and I couldn’t’ help it, it was the first real compliment I got as I throw my arm out as a small wave of fire splashes off my fingers, pleased and excited, that someone recognizes me and isn’t scared. “Marvelous!” he says in almost sigh like admiration. I turn up to look up at him, behind all that makeup I can tell he is genuinely pleased and impressed. It makes me feel better.

I believe I am steadying getting better. Some days are harder, especially after Cid draws blood from me the night before. I’m dueling Celes and I’m sure I’m getting better but miraculously so does Celes. She attacks low and I’m caught off guard. I jump back and almost slip as I place one hand on the ground and push myself back up.

“Terra you have been training for years you should be better than this!” General Leo says disappointedly. I nod and swallow as I stare at Celes whose eyes don’t reflect any emotion. She never defends me against General Leo, I suppose he is right. “Again!” he orders and like a robot Celes attacks I’m caught off guard and I’m quickly bested. “Your movements are worse than before,” he says angrily. I look down at the ground he is right. All of a sudden Kefka is beside me, his long cape brushing gently against my shoulder and he is arguing against General Leo. I’m ashamed that my mentor has to defend me, he shouldn’t have to. I should be better than this.

“Is that right? Then maybe you should use the same tongue lashing on you little protégé, right there,” I hear Kefka say. “Tell me when was the last time, General Leo reminded you how cruel the world can be?” he asks looking down at Celes. I glance up and she looks back up at General Leo.

“She isn’t scolded because her performance never falters,” General Leo defends. He’s right, Celes is always perfect. I can see Kefka is frustrated. He looks back at Celes.

“Doesn’t matter that’s not how the world works. Life isn’t fair just remember that this girl you so proudly conquer with a blade can proudly disfigure you with the snap of a wrist along with a mere thought,”  Celes looks confused for a moment then sad as she looks down ashamed. “Come along, Terra,” Kefka orders and I don’t dare stay. Too many words were tossed and it was all because of me. I’m embarrassed and sad as I follow Kefka. He seems frustrated by this and he is trying to cheer me up. However, I’m just too sad and embarrassed. Finally, he offers to take me out of the palace and see Vector. It’s not like I haven’t seen it, I usually just head straight out of town. Though to see it with my mentor, to see it with someone else sounds pleasant. I look up hopeful wondering if he really means it. “Yes, now go change out of that armor of yours, it’s an eyesore,” he says and I take a deep breath before running off. I’m a bit happier now I take a quick bath before getting dressed. I don’t have many clothes I only have one dress it’s a simple blue dress. I put it on I suppose it’s pretty enough. I look at my hair I’m not sure what to do with it. I leave it down for the time being before making my way to Kefka’s chambers. I’m nervous I never visited his chambers before. I knock softly before stepping back. I wait patiently cupping my hands in front of me curtly. He soon opens the door and takes a couple of steps out. “I take back that comment about the armor, this is more of an eyesore,” he says with a jerk of his head. My eyes widen as I look down I’m crushed. This is all I had. He sighs before capturing my attention again. I’m still very hurt and I’m faintly listening. He then steps behind me and gently nudges me to step into his room. I oblige but when I step in I’m in shock. His room is quite big. It has a huge bed with a banister. Mirrors and drapes, hanging around it’s very gilded and full of color. It has marble walls and pillars and I notice a balcony.

“Impressive isn’t it?” he asks as he turns about proudly.  I step in looking around remembering to breathe.

“It’s so…pretty,” I finally say. I look around and notice all the attention to detail it’s so gilded its looks more like a Queen’s room more than a tactician. However, it is Kefka after all. He’s searching through his wardrobe now. I’m wondering how he thinks any of his clothes would fit me but he doesn’t seem to give up. At last, he pulls out a red and gold embroidered dress. He hands it to me and asks me to put it on. I swallow it’s so pretty.

“It’s much too nice for someone like me,” I say softly.

“Nonsense, only the best for my little protégé,” he says as he turns and I can’t help but smile. I want to believe it. I’m not sure if I can, however. “Now behind that curtain is a spot where you can go change,” he says. I look at the direction he’s mentioning before I do as I’m told. The drapes are dark crushed velvet and gold tassel trim. I know he can’t see me but I don’t think he wants to anyways. I quickly switch dresses. The red one is a bit loose and a bit long. I step out wondering what he will say. He’s on his bed sitting comfortably. He’s on his back, one knee up, holding his crossed leg over his knee. I’m silent he hasn’t noticed me yet. Finally, he turns and his face goes blank for a moment. I can’t read it I don’t know what he’s thinking. “Ah much better,” he finally says as he sits up and hops off his bed. He walks closer to examine it. I smile as I twirl around and watch the red and gold dress spin around me and sway. He stops and does a flourish like bow. I can’t help but blush. No one has bowed to me ever, no one has ever treated me like this. He stands up and looks at it more closely. “It a bit too big but doesn’t matter, let’s be off,” he says as he heads to the door and I’m quite happy once again.

We walk out of the palace and I’m nervous when the soldiers salute when we pass. I’m trying my best not to blush however, I feel quite pretty for once. He takes us to a restaurant and we eat at a small round table. He doesn’t eat much, we talk a bit. Though I can feel the staring and I’m not sure who or why they are staring at us and whisper. I bring this up to him and he doesn’t seem worried at all. He explains it in a way that makes sense and after all his is much older and wiser. Why would he lie to me, after all, I’m his protégé. We walk around a bit and I see a lively building full of people coming in and out, soldiers and locals are laughing and music can be heard.

“What’s that!” I ask out pointing to the building. Kefka sneers as he places my hand down.

“Ah doesn’t matter. Just some pub where locals drown themselves with drink and ale,” he answers simply. I smile it sounds fun.

“I want to go,” I finally admit. He looks down at me and perks a brow.

“Perhaps another time when you are older,” he dismisses simply. “Which reminds me, how old are you now, my sweet little firebug?” he asks leading me away from the tavern and I smile.

“I’m sixteen,” I answered looking up at him and his facial expression changes at it goes blank. He wobbles a bit as he stops walking suddenly. “What’s wrong?” I ask wondering if he’s okay. He seems to snap out of it before shrugging.

“Nothing… my how time flies,” he says as he begins to lead me out of town. I’m silent thinking about his comment. I suppose he is right. He leads me out of town and takes me back to the prairie where he had found me and the moogle. We sit and talk as we watch the fireflies glow softly around. It is so peaceful and when he sits next to me a strange warmth comes from him and I feel much more relaxed oddly comfortable. I tell him everything that is on my mind and he seems to genuinely be interested in what I’m saying. Then I think I said something wrong. “Me sick? Ha! I have never felt more powerful in my life!” he says and he seems to be in shock. He snaps his fingers and a small flame appears. “Can a sick person do this?” he asks as I look up at the flame and smile. I shake my head I don’t want to hurt his feelings any more than I have. “That’s right, let’s go,” he orders and starts to walk away. The moment is over and the comforting feeling is gone. I follow him I suppose it was for the best, it was nice while it lasted. “Sick,” he says out to himself. I follow him from a few feet away as he struggles with the idea. I’m sad I thought he was always aware of what others thought of him. I think I may have triggered something but I’m not sure.

Kefka seems a bit restless. When we are practicing he simply stands his arms crossed. “Burn them,” he lets out simply. I do what I’m told and he looks at my work satisfied before walking off. Something is bothering him but I don’t know what. Soon a tailor comes to my room and asks to take measurements I allow them to do so. They do it every few years, I suppose to take measurements to fit my new armor. Soon I’m practicing with my blade once more and now I’m forced to practice with some soldiers. Many of them seem frightened to attack me or hurt me. However, General Leo threatens them.

“Give it all you got,” General Leo commands the soldier who nods but his eyes are still filled with worry. I’m able to defend myself well against him. It’s not fair he hasn’t been trained, I have years advantage. Though when they battle Celes they don’t seem afraid they look up at her with smiling faces embracing the fact they are challenging her but I don’t understand they don’t look the same way while challenging me.

It is my birthday and I’m up early or at least I think it’s early. I get up and get dressed in my uniform and I open the door when my foot hits something. I look down it’s a box and it has no name on it. I look around before bringing it in. I nervously open it and smile it is a dress. I pull it out it is the same red and gold embroidered dress I wore that day when Kefka took me around Vector. Though it’s different it’s shorter and a bit tighter. I hold it up against my body while I look in the mirror. I smile softly before putting on. It fits perfectly and it feminine and revealing at the same time. However, not so much, I put my hair back in a ponytail it is how my hair is usually is. It keeps it from going to my face when practicing. I put on my best shoes and I’m half tempted to put on some makeup but I decide against it. When I walk out to practice General Leo simply nods.

“You’re a knight now and you are old enough to keep yourself in shape, you still will need to practice, at ease,” he says. I smile and nod.

“Thank you, sir,” I say gratefully. It was one of the few times General Leo actually talked to me as an equal. I begin walking back towards the dining hall. I can feel it, I turn to see some of the soldiers staring at me. I blush as I looked down at myself. Is that a good stare or a bad one? Soon Celes appears and smiles.

“You look lovely, Terra,” Celes compliments. I smiled feeling my cheeks turn red.

“Thank you,” I thank. “It’s a gift,” I began to say and she nods. I look past her and I see him, Kefka eying me from afar. I smile suddenly. “Excuse me,” I say as I make my way past Celes and suddenly my feet are running up to him as if I didn’t he would suddenly turn and run away. He’s standing still like a deer in headlights. Suddenly I make it to him and I hug him tightly. I can feel him through all his layers of clothes as he slowly gives me a hug back.

“Terra…my dear, you look marvelous!” he says and I let go and step back looking up at him.

“Oh thank you, I love it,” I thank as I try to pose elegantly but I feel like I don’t know how to do it properly and I look away.

“You are most welcome, my dearest,” he says with an exuberant bow. He stands up and leaves making his way past me. I watch him leave before continuing back towards the dining hall. Kefka always knows how to make me feel better. Later I’m walking around the grounds and most of the soldiers don’t look too afraid of me. They still salute me, however, their gazes are longer and I feel more comfortable. Perhaps it is the dress Kefka gave me. I’m not sure but I feel more comfortable in my skin I look down at my hands, arms, and legs. I’m very much human, I appear so anyways. A couple of days pass and Celes is gone.

“Where is Celes? I ask General Leo he sighs and he actually looks a bit worried.

“She is going through the process to become a Magitek Knight she will be gone for a while,” he said simply. He was trying his best to be strong and quaint but it was evident he was worried for Celes. “For now I think you should practice, people are starting to rebel once more. War is coming,” he said seriously.

I nod as he had me defend myself against three to four soldiers at once. I’m able to defend myself well, the idea of Celes becoming a Magitek Knight encourages me to better myself. My fingers are tingling as my adrenaline is pumping I’m slightly losing control and I don’t know why. All I see is red. My sword is on fire and I accidentally slash a soldier’s shoulder who got to close another in his abdomen is cut as well. The other two back away in time. They’re hurt, I can see it in their faces. “Hold still,” I say making my way towards them. The guy is in much pain and he starts to panic I take a deep breath as I close my eyes for a few seconds slowly a cool warmth rushes over me and to the soldier he slowly stops grunting before looking calm. I turn back around and grab the shoulder this guy is in less pain and is confused. He looks me in the eyes and I nod before once again healing his wound. Everyone is in awe.

“How did you do that? The pain has stopped,” a soldier said in shock.

“It was her magic, she cured you,” another said.

“I don’t care how it happened I’m just glad I’m no longer in pain,” said the one who was struck in the gut and he got up and started heading towards the infirmary. I sigh as they all leave and I’m left alone. I didn’t mean to hurt them. I just suddenly lost a bit of control as if I wasn’t really there. I’m forced to practice against many of them and still, I’m able to defend myself well. General Leo seems finally pleased.  Meanwhile, I am burning dummies dressed up as soldiers. I don’t know why I’m doing it, it’s a waste of armor. Then one day there was no dummies, there was animals, sheep, pigs, and cows. They’re there grazing minding their own and they’re asking me to hurt them, more than that kill them. I’m nervous and I can’t stop shaking my head in fear. They are watching me.

“I can’t do this…I don’t want to hurt them,” I say out as I feel like an outsider in my own body.

“Great I have all day, so I’ll just sit and wait until you burn them and put them out of their misery!” Kefka says as he whistles and soldier brings him a chair. He sits down and crosses his legs. 

“Why?” I finally utter.  He sighs as he stands back up. “Because the Emperor has asked us too, war is coming, dear Terra and you will have to do many things you’re not going to agree with. Now the faster you do it the faster we can go,” he says crossing his arms. I’m heartbroken but I am a soldier, no I am a knight. I serve the empire and I must. It's my duty I convince myself. I take a deep breath forcing myself to concentrate, my pain is what lights my fire and I finally do it as fast as I could. I cannot watch as I hear the animals scream some take a few steps and faint but they all lie dead. I drop my arms as tears run down my eyes. I feel so ashamed and weak. Soon I feel a strangely comforting warmth around me and I realize Kefka is hugging me.

“Worry not my little firebug,” he says down to me. I’m hugging him tightly absorbing what comfort I can get. “It is finally at peace…and now we have dinner. We have done the cooks a favor!” I look and smile at his feeble attempt to cheer me up as I wipe a tear off my cheek before stepping back. I didn’t realize the seriousness of war until now. A couple of days later they ask me to burn a large set of dummies. They are all lined up in rows. I look at Kefka as I feel the wind blow my bangs back, he nods seriously and I nod back. I convince myself the faster I get this over with the better. I close my eyes and take a deep breath before opening them my fingers light up and throw out a huge wave of fire, the worst I have seen myself done. It’s almost like an explosion and then suddenly I hear it, yelling and pain? Some of the dummies were soldiers! I look back at Kefka wide eyes in shock.

“What I have done?” I let out in shock as some walk a few steps before meeting their deaths. I’m mortified of what I have done. I run straight across the ground and back towards my room. I’ve been betrayed. Why didn’t he tell me that some of them in the back were actually soldiers? Our own men? Why would they let me do that to them? Why would they make them do that? Does life have no meaning to the Emperor or others? I’m training with General Leo once again. Finally, during a break, I explain what I did a couple of days ago.

“He did what was necessary,” General Leo answered.

“Necessary?” I repeat confused.

“This is war, Terra, you will have to do things you may not like. Sometimes negotiations fail and all we have left is our orders,” he paused. “There is always a losing side,” he said as he passed. His words stung me. General Leo was okay with the idea of killing. Does someone always have to die? It is hard to look at them now. When I pass by them and they salute me. I am a knight after all and I have been raised all my life for battle. Why was it so hard to accept that sometimes it involves death? I sigh as a young soldier salutes me but he does it wrong. I stop and stare at him and he looks back nervous.

“You did it wrong,” I say simply. He looks around.

“I-I did?” he asks and I nod.

“It’s like this isn’t?” he asks and tries again.

“No…that salute is for a general,” I say as I finally show him the proper salute for my rank. He finally does it right and blushes.

“I’m sorry I’m new here, I just saw you and I forgot and panic,” he said. I nod simply with a smile.  “I didn’t know what rank you were, you’re a Knight? Wow, but you’re so pretty,” he said in shock. I look down and away. Did he call me pretty?

“Did you say I was pretty?” I finally ask. He nods shaking his head.

“Yes…I’m sure a lot of people think you’re pretty…oh, wait I’m not allowed to tell you that, huh,” he said looking nervous once more. I giggle as I feel someone staring. I look up and I see it’s Kefka he is eying my direction. I grow a bit nervous.

“I don’t think so, I suppose it is frowned upon,” I reply looking down I feel my cheeks heat up.

“Yeah, I’m sorry I promise I won’t do it again,” I nod. “See you around,” he says. I look up and Kefka is still staring, but why? I smile nervously as I wave before making my way out. I sit out at the prairie again. I’m at peace when I’m alone with nature. I can’t help but think of the young soldier. I have never been called pretty before and it felt nice. Soon I’m asked to burn a small group of soldiers who have been disobedient. Their disobedience deserves death?

“Burn them,” Kefka says darkly near my ear. I shake my head staring out at the soldiers who look nervous. Do they know what is going to happen to them?

“I-I can’t,” I say remembering what happened last time.

“You must my sweet, for it said that Celes has already managed to control the power of Ice,” he says sweetly. Celes is out and she can summon ice magic? “She has managed to freeze twelve soldiers rock solid. She has managed to destroy a village. Can’t you believe that?” has it been that long? Has she recovered that fast? Besides I think I can do it and do it well, her voice rings in my head. “You don’t want the Emperor to replace you now? Now that he has her, a prodigy at the blade and a magic user,” he says simply and I can feel him near like a strange strong warmth. The idea of being replace hurts and sends a shiver down my spine. I don’t want to be replaced. “Now show me what you got,” he asks his voice a deep rumble. I feel numb as I can feel my eyes water up as I manage to fight back the tears. I am a knight, this is war, war comes with death, I’m doing my duty. Finally, the flames come up out like powerful wave. The screams are shattering as I stand perfectly still. A solider runs past me yelling in pain. It is I that should be burning. For am I not disobedient as well?  “That’s a good girl,” Kefka says softly and turns. I am sad and I almost feel like I am slowly slipping into darkness. Yet I hold on to a strange hope that things will change. I wake up feeling strangely numb. This was what I was raised for I convince myself. I must get stronger. I tell myself. I get dressed and I watch the soldiers exercise. I’m looking for that young man. I just need someone to talk to but he’s not anywhere to be found. Maybe he left? Perhaps he heard what I have done and decided it was not worth it? I don’t know maybe I just can’t simply see him in the crowd.

“What is wrong my little firebug?” I hear and I look up wide-eyed trying hard not to cry but I feel such a sadness.

“I…I…just can’t find someone that’s all,” I answer simply.

“Tsk, tsk, tsk,” He lets out “That is life sadly. Come I think it is time for you to have a drink,” he says. He sounds like he is not really bothered by it. I follow after him he is my mentor after all. I’m still sad when I enter his room, he immediately gets comfortable as he brings out a glass of wine. I'm asked to sit and I do as I’m told. I sit around a small gilded table as he brings out two goblets. He pours the wine and says cheers?  “You pick up the goblet and tap into mine and say cheers,” he then explains. I gasp as I quickly pick up my goblet and tap it into his.

“Cheers,” I say nervously. He starts to drink and I bring it to my lips but then I take a smell of it. It smells good. Finally, I take a small sip and it tastes like roses and berries. It burns slightly in my throat but other than that it’s a pleasant feeling. We began talking once more than he says he has another gift. My eyes widen in shock he gets up and brings me another box from his wardrobe. I smile as he asks me to put it on. I immediately do as I’m told. This outfit is just as lovely. It’s a bit more revealing but it has such a pretty elegant blue and the black and white contrasts. I put it on forgetting about my sadness, just excited to be given another gift. Finally, I step out from behind the curtain and I feel a bit exposed.

“I am a talented designer and you are a wonderful model, my dear,” he says happily. “Do you like it?” he asks.

“I do…just a bit cold,” I sway with a nod. He scoffs before looking around for a moment. He then pulls out a long matching cape. It’s almost like he bought it to go along with the outfit. He nears and places on the cape and steps back.

“Better,” he says pleased and I once again twirl around. I feel so pretty in the outfit and the way Kefka admires me, makes me believe that I am pretty.

“Oh, thank you!” I say happily as I run up to him and give him a tight squeeze. He seems a bit uncomfortable as he pushes me back gently and steps back.

“No need to thank me, come, sit down have another drink before you go,” he says nonchalantly and I go back to sit. I continue to drink wine and I’m starting to feel more relaxed. The wine warms my body as Kefka’s gift warms my spirit even if it’s just for a short while. He stares so intensely as I go on about the gossip. Soon I need to go and I make my leave. I make my way back to my room I think I’m a little bit drunk. I think that is the word they call it. It is a strange type of escape. I’m glad I’m human enough to do so. War is coming and I’m constantly reminding myself that I’m a knight of Gestahlian Empire. I should be worried more but I’m distracted by Kefka and his gifts. He loves it when I pose and put it on. I think he just wants his protégé to look as good as him. I don’t mind it, he is pleasing company and he hasn’t been mean to me. Soon I’m to be sent out with General Leo and Celes.

Kefka takes a couple of steps near but stops about three feet away. I look at him and smile softly.

“Alright, you be a good girl and do what you’re told, have fun my little firebug!” he says encouragingly and waves. I smile as I turn, I’m starting to actually like being called that. No one else calls me that so when I hear it I immediately know it’s him. The mission was on a battlefield just south of Figaro. We are in Magitek Armor both Celes and I. General Leo remains on foot. I swallow concentrating on the thumps of each step and clank of metal. When I strike a beam of magic shoots out and I remind myself this is war. This is war. Though soon General Leo appears and the two leaders have a moot. They agree to stand down to prevent further deaths. I take a deep breath relieved. We know the truce is only temporary and we will probably be sent back out once again. However, the resisting side took many casualties. I hope they leave so we do not need to attack again. When we return General Leo reports the mission as a success. Both Celes and I were able to defend ourselves with no signs of regret. The Emperor gives a big banquet as his first battle in a while is a success. It is overwhelming and I feel numb but I try my best to smile as I drink and eat. 

I’m sent out once more but it was nowhere near as bad as my first battle. When I return Kefka is sent away as well doing another mission for the Empire. I’m alone as I look up at the night sky. There is a small rebellion in Vector. The Emperor is furious and I’m confused. How could there be traitors in the capital city? General Leo and I sent out once more this time without the Magitek armor. However, Celes and a few soldiers are accompanied are in Magitek armor. There is a large crowd they are angry at the Emperor for something and I don’t know what. We began to threaten and push the rebellion back.

“Terra we need to secure the east side of town,” General Leo says. I nod as I head out a few soldiers follow me. Everything seems quiet and calm too calm. I look around when suddenly a few people come out from the shadows.

“We’re surrounded!” a soldier shouted. A few of my soldiers shoot warning shots in the ground. They step back but the crowd is not scared as they began to throw items at us. Somehow a soldier near me catches on fire. His leg and arm are on fire. A few soldiers start to shoot back.

“Wait! We’re not allowed to harm the civilians!” I warn as I help put the fire out on the solider next to me. He is badly burned as I try my best to cure him, he seems calm but he still looks hurt. A few people are dead now bleeding out. They are fighting why? Why won’t both sides stop? “I told you to stop!” I said out loud. A person strikes my shoulder and I’m hurt. “I said STOP!” I yell as I bring out my sword and a wave of fire comes out with it. A few people gasp as they step back. “You are to stop fighting immediately!” I say as I throw my other hand out and place up a wall of fire separating the two sides. “Go back to General Leo, now!” I order my remaining men who do as I say. I make sure they are safe as I return back to General Leo. “General Leo, sir there is a small rebellion in the east gate, it is now been settled,” I say as I look down. “There were a few casualties,” I add. He nods.

“You did your best I think they are finally starting to tire,” he said a couple of hours later the rebellion calms. I never felt so tired in my life. I didn’t imagine war being this hard. I am always tired and I feel alone when I walk out to explore most people tend to ignore me. I hear a loud laugh and I realize the tavern is full. I stop looking around, I have drank before, I should be allowed to go in now. Now that I’m a Knight. I walk in and the tavern is crowded with all types of people mostly soldiers. I make my way toward the bar.

“What’ll be?” the bartender asks. I don’t know what to order.

“Uhm…wine?” I ask he nods and places a glass of wine. I smile softly as I drink some of my wine.

“I’ll pay for it,” I hear, I look towards my side. It is a lower rank soldier.

“Thank you,” I thank. I’m nervous as he watches me drink silently. He asks a question every so often and I answer it. He soon orders me another wine and I feel much lighter than before. Soon we’re both feeling quite well and one his friends pulls him away.

“Are you crazy?!” a fellow soldier tells him.

“That’s Terra Branford she’s a knight and your superior officer! If General Leo finds out you’ll be sacked, if Kefka finds out worse,” the guy said.

“I don’t know she seems pretty nice,” the soldier said.

“Pretty nice now but what if you piss her off she’ll burn you to a crisp,” another soldier said.

“Yeah, I never thought about that, let’s go,” the guy finally says and he takes off with his friends. I swallow as I continue to drink my wine. I hear a few others whisper behind me.

“She’s that odd colored hair girl, the Emperor’s little witch, I saw her she used magic,” one whispered.

“She’s evil, stay away, she’s just like him, her master,” another said.

“What do you expect just like her master all of them are able to use Magic I heard,” another said. I’m nervous as I feel hurt and bit angry. I continue to drink my wine as fast as I can before leaving. I can’t believe it is everyone afraid of me? My hands are in a fist and when the guards salute me when I pass. I fight the urge to yell at them. They’re afraid of me just like everyone else. I know it. However, I just walk past them it’s not their fault. When I reach the palace I feel heartbroken. I want to cry but at the same time I don’t, there must be something I can do to remedy this. I don’t want others to fear me. I’m left alone with my thoughts before I look down the corridor where my mentor Kefka Palazzo is at. I wonder if he’s in his room? I wonder if he has an idea or solution to this? I turn down and walk towards the corridor. It’s a bit dark but I don’t mind. When I reach the door and I take a deep breath and knock.

“Who is it?” I hear him ask.

“It’s me Terra, sir, may I come in?” I answer back.

“Of course, my little firebug,” he says and I open the door and step in. It is a bit darker than usual as I step in and sigh.

“Thank you, sir,” I say looking down, trying to figure out the best way to put my question.

“What brings you in my chamber my sweet?” he asks finally as I hear something being removed. I look up and I finally realize he’s almost undressed. My eyes widen a bit, he is only wearing a simple tunic and some breeches. I never saw him this undressed before. I blink a few times my mind is blank and I forgot what I came here to ask.

“I’m sorry…I just came…” I paused taking a breath. “I should have waited for tomorrow, I’ll go back to bed now,” I manage to finally say as I turn back around and head towards the door. As I grab the handle and begin to pull open the door slams shut. I look up and notice a hand on the door and a lean muscular arm pushing it close. My breath hitches as I gulp.

“Nonsense, my little firebug, tell me what is on your mind,” he says quietly and I know he is close. I slowly turn around as I lean against the door and exhale. “My my, has one been indulging in wine?” he asks. I turn pale as my eyes widen. I’ve been caught.

“Yes sir, I’m sorry…I…I went to the tavern,” I finally admit. He sighs heavily and I realize I never been so close to him face to face. He is warm and his breath heavy, though a part of me should be scared, I’m not.

“Not wise my little firebug,” he scolds lightly. I nod with a sigh, I just know this is the extent of what I’m going to be scolded. I can feel him staring and I look up nervously I can feel his presence his aura and strength from him. I can feel my mouth salivate as I stare through his tunic and his neck and his strong jawline. I’m confused on what I’m feeling. Finally, he steps back as if nothing happened. “Go on, I don’t have all night,” he finally asks. I take a small breath bringing myself back to my senses.

“I was at the tavern, I had a few glasses of wine,” I started. “I was okay at first, everyone seemed happy but then I heard them whispering, the Emperor’s little witch, they said. She’s evil, stay away, she is just like him, her master,” I finally let out. I look down sad and ashamed. Kefka sighs frustratedly.

“How many times must I say, you must ignore them?” he asks. “They are simple folk, too lowly to even grace your presence, too lowly to even bother your mind. They fear you my sweet, there is no denying that. They fear anything that wields power,” he says strongly as he makes his way back towards me and when he nears he places his hands firmly on my shoulders and they are warm almost like they burn but I think I like the sensation. “They fear you, me, the Emperor, Celes, General Leo, even a low ranking soldier with a gun,” he pauses. “That is life, my little firebug,” he says sweetly as he brings one his hands and finger is just below my jaw gently pushing me up to face him and I forget to breathe. “Be happy you are on the right side of the war,” he says firmly. I’m studying his face and I stare back at his piercing blue eyes, so sharp like needles, yet cold at the same time. I shake my head forcing myself to look away.

“I understand,” I say taking a step back and strangely I can feel that warmth grow weaker. He steps back as well and claps excitedly.

“Good, now rest, I have much to do tomorrow,” he says simply. I smile softly as I turn and head back toward the door. I’m half tempted to say goodnight but I don’t want to bother him more than I’ve already had. I walk back to my chambers I close my eyes and I can still faintly feel that warm feeling from him radiate within me. I hug myself as I push the thought aside and I suddenly feel cold and alone.

I’m tossing and turning it takes a while for me to fall asleep and when I do I wake up I'm in a cold sweat. I can feel my hands tingling as if I’m reliving my nightmares. I’m scared and nervous and I’m either alone left to my thoughts or with Kefka who doesn’t seem to mind me visiting. He is kind and he is constantly giving me gifts, shoes, scarves, and jewelry. It seems to please him when I wear his gifts and I feel happy when he’s happy. However, the more I visit him the more I yearn for him to draw near. For when he is near I can feel him his strong warmth, it radiates from him and it’s comforting. As if nothing can harm me when I’m near him. It fills my heart and I no longer feel the numbing sadness from war. My room doesn’t have a window and it is becoming cluttered with gifts.

I’m having trouble once again things are becoming harder for me. I just don’t think I can do this. I think I honestly hate war, though that is all I know. That is what I was trained all my life to do. Whenever I look at Celes she seems at ease. It seems I’m not nearly as good as her. She’s practically good at everything she does. Kefka is constant in his advice and kind words. I feel like I’m failing him, failing everyone. When I'm asked to help invade a village I can’t do it.

“What are you waiting for?” Celes asks as she begins to attack.

“Get moving!” General Leo demands and everything seems so far away and I can feel myself numbing. I begin to move out and I walk out towards the side. Though I can’t force myself to attack. I just can’t I soon stop and shut down the Magitik Armor, I slowly climb out and I run and run. I run out of the town, I run from their yelling and the sounds of flames. I run towards a small forest before tripping and tumbling down a hill. Everything slowly fades. When I awake I’m by a small stream and the sun is out. I’m hurt but I easily heal myself. I’m lost for a few hours but I finally find my way back out. The town is now almost ash, there are few survivors. Most of the army is gone. I stare at the damage we have created, looking into the eyes of the survivors their stares blank. I close my eyes and I feel a cold tingling sadness creep down my spine. I help did this.

I have failed an assignment and I’m missing. I know I will be punished. Out of fear I hide for a few days. I’m helping the villagers start all over. I give them what little money I could, I help them farm and gather wood. They don’t fear me either. I’m just a friendly stranger in their eyes. Though the feeling of helping others puts my heart and ease and for a short moment, I feel free. Eventually, a soldier spots me and I’m forced to return. Surprisingly no one scolds me everyone seems worried. The Emperor has no idea what had happened according to Celes. They did their best to keep quiet. Even though I have failed my assignment the mission was a success.  They have a banquet. They lied saying I was stationed there to make sure everything goes according to plan. The Emperor buys it. I’m nervous and slightly bitter. I have put my colleagues in a serious predicament. When I glance over to Kefka he looks away. He is angry I don’t blame him. I probably disappointed him. The next few days it’s still the same he seems to be avoiding me and when we cross each other in the yard he simply glances at me before walking past me. I’m stunned and hurt. Have I messed up that bad? I’m in my room laying on my bed and I realize the mistake I have made. I have placed my colleagues in a serious predicament. They covered for me and Kefka who is my mentor probably looks bad because of it. I turn to my side and sigh. I miss him. I rather not be here but for him, I will stay. Though it’s obvious he doesn’t want me around. I’m confused. I force myself to get up and get dressed. I look through my wardrobe and I find an outfit that I notice that catches the eyes of many. I wonder if it’s wise to put it on. Though I finally decide to put it on. After all, it was a gift from him.  Finally, I get the courage to knock on his chamber’s door.

“Come in,” he says. I walk in and notices that half his makeup is gone and I’m reminded that he is just a man. He eyes me from the mirror, “What is it?” he finally asks and I nod.

“I came here to apologize, sir,” I start, he looks frustrated as he rolls his eyes.

“For what?” he asks simply. I swallow and wonder, if he does not accept my apology there is no reason for me to stay.

“For disappointing you…I know I failed…and I have upset you,” I start nervously but I quickly push my nerves aside. “I know you’re angry and if you don’t want to see me again, I understand,” I say with a hint of finality. I held my head up high before I turn around to leave.

“Wait,” he says and I turn. He looks a bit shocked. “I…I…am not angry at you,” he starts out tentatively. “Not anymore,” he answers as he looks away. He is nervous and he was angry but he’s not anymore. I’m confused as I step forward.

“You’re not? Aren’t you disappointed?” I ask for clarification. He smiles brightly.

“When have I ever been disappointed at you?” he asks and I feel overwhelmed with emotion. It felt so true, I just wanted to believe it. I break down a bit as he turns around and I feel myself running towards him. He welcomes me in open arms and I hug him tightly. I can feel him he is solid, he is warm and strong when he holds me back I melt. “Now go, tomorrow is another day,” he finally says and pulls me away. I look up and smile. I slowly back away and leave to my room. All I wanted was to make peace and I did. He is my only real ally, he is the only person who treats me as a person and who isn’t afraid. I feel lost without him.

We are on a battlefield and Celes and I are not in armor we are forced to defend ourselves with blades and magic. However, when I slash someone a mere peasant with a hoe I pause as his blood splatters on my face. I swallow in shock as I look around and I see General Leo ride out on a Chocobo trying to reach the opposite side’s leader. Celes is a few feet away and she is fighting as if nothing is bothering her but I’m sure it is. Before I know it I’m surrounded they are just mere villagers. I bring up my sword to defend myself but I don’t have the will to strike. They are growing near and I block some of their attacks. 

“Terra!” I hear and suddenly a wave of ice freezes a few of them in front of me. It is a cool wave and the few behind me run in fear. Celes walks to me to see if I’m okay. I nod and she nods before pulling me to General Leo where he had convinced the other side to stand down. I’m reprimanded.

“This is war, Terra. Sometimes it takes harming a few to save others. If you could have conjured your magic you could have scared them away. However, you left yourself defenseless. Do you want to die?” General Leo asks. I shake my head but a part of me truly wants to die. Every battle takes a little piece of me, I’m slowly becoming numb. I’m summoned to Kefka’s chambers, I know he must be disappointed.

“I have heard you have almost failed to complete another assignment,” her starts curtly and I nod.

“I know…I’m sorry, sir,” I apologize. He waves his hand.

“Do not fret my sweet, you will be my firebug once again,” he says happily and confidently as if he had no doubts about it. No doubt about me. He offers me some wine and I drink it feeling a bit better after another glass I finally feel relaxed enough to try again. He is standing in the middle of his room he is bouncing a flame within in his hand skillfully his fingers control the flame before a twist of his wrist it is gone. “Now you try,” he asks with a grin. I nod as I take a deep breath and try to do what he was doing, the image of him bouncing a flame comes to mind but soon after I can hear the yells of those I’ve murdered and the flames rising. I grimace before swallowing.

“I…I don’t know why…I just can’t right now,” I said lowering my arm, I feel defeated. I know I should be able to do this.

“Nonsense,” he says as he nears and I’m suddenly nervous as I hold my breath. He slowly steps behind me and I tense up as I can feel his chest pressed firmly behind my back. He then slides his hand slowly down my arm gently caressing it before gripping my wrist gently. “Breathe in…know that you can do it, will it. Push all other thoughts aside but the fire, feel it tingle within the tips of your fingers,” he says as he guides my hand mimicking the movements he does when he summons a flame. I close my eyes for a moment holding my breath as I try to block out everything, it is dark and only a flame exists, and his body is vibrating a strange static like heat. My eyes open and soon a flame sparks from my fingertips floating just like his and I smile softly. “See was that so hard?” he asks as he sways my wrists as if we are one and the same. “Now toss it to your other hand,” he says I try it but when it reaches my other hand it fades. I sigh feeling a bit disappointed. “Do not worry, try again,” he encourages like a mentor. I try again this time I cast the flame faster and this time I’m able to toss the flame to my other hand before tossing it back. I’m pleased with myself as I let out a giggle, this must be how Kefka feels. He is once again controlling my wrist as I twirl the small flaming within my fingers and I’m suddenly aware of how intimate the gesture must be. Suddenly he lets go of my wrist and reaches out for the flame and grasps it, extinguishing the flame. I looked up at him confused and I didn’t realize how close I was to his face until now.

“You killed it,” I breathed out. He eyes down at me, his blue eyes sharp. He swallows with a small smile he nods. “What’s wrong?” I ask and he shakes his head.

“Nothing my dear firebug,” he says simply but I do not believe him as he steps back nervously and bumps into the corner of his bed’s banister. “Ah,” he lets out startled before chuckling. He nervously walks back to his bed and sits, he looks weak. I’m worried as I never seen him in such a state as I slowly approach him.

“Are you sure you’re alright?” I ask. He smiles as he shakes his head. I’m even more confused.

“Yes, quite,” he says simply with an air of false confidence, a tone I never heard from him before. He looks away and my heart drops and I’m worried for him. I once again try to approach him, carefully I step but he seems repulsed. “Go…don't come near me,” he finally lets out darkly as he twists away. He is not himself and I just want to know what’s wrong as I began to raise my hand and try to touch the loose strand of blond hair that’s somehow slipped loose. “I said go you foolish girl, you stubborn girl, go before I lose my cool!” he threatens as he finally looks at me. He grabs ahold of my wrist tightly. His blue eyes are so sharp outlined with the red. I’m not sure what to make of it as I stared back confused. Finally, he lets go of my wrist pushing it away from him. I slowly step back I don’t know what just happened but I know I can’t help him. Not just yet, I slowly turn and make my leave. I cannot but help wonder what made him come undone.

I make sure to check if Kefka is okay before being sent off once more. He seems to be back to his normal self and I feel at ease before being sent off. We are in a small village by the Veldt. We are facing a few warriors that are outside the village. We are only a few feet from them, our blades at the ready at both sides. Before the battle begins General Leo rides out and within an hour he returns. There is a temporary truce and they have surrendered. I sigh in relief I have almost forgotten that battles could be won without bloodshed. When we return I feel much lighter.

“You seem better,” Celes starts and I smile and nod.

“Yes, you do too?” I reply and she sighs before releasing a small smile.

“Yeah, that mercenary in front of me he was rather handsome, I’m glad I didn’t have to fight him,” she says with a shrug. I look away and nod. “Sometimes when I’m alone I wonder how my life would be if I wasn’t a Knight. Who would I fall in love with? Would I have a family? Then I push the thoughts aside, it hurts too much to think about it. Do you ever have thoughts about love?” she suddenly asks. I look at her confused before looking away. I don’t know how to answer her so I simply remain quiet.

We’re back in Vector and we are celebrating our simple victory. A few men have snuck in some liquor and Celes has convinced them to give us some. We have both been drinking and before we know it we are dancing as others clap on. When a couple of young officers ask to dance with us. I’m surprised at first but when I look at Celes who doesn’t seem to mind dancing with the younger officer I do the same. His hands are firm yet soft. He is strangely gentle with me as he twirls me around. I’m giggling embarrassed as I look into the soldiers grey eyes. Soon we stop and I sigh. Celes and I sit down as the others continue to celebrate.

“I’m glad General Leo isn’t here,” I say to Celes. Celes shrugs.

“He’s not too bad, he doesn’t mind a bit of fun. He knows it could be anyone’s last moments of being alive,” she says and I suddenly brought back to reality. My heart drops as I look at the ground gripping the table we are sitting on. I’m quiet and her previous question returns to me.

“How does love feel like?” I ask and Celes sighs as she is quiet.

“It’s…well, I don’t… I just know it must be magical,” she says simply. I look away. Love is magical? We are both quiet as Celes suddenly summons a ball of ice and tosses it high in the air. It shatters and like snow, it sprinkles down on top of us and the others. I smile amazed at how skilled she is with her magic. She truly is a prodigy. “I love magic, I don’t want to imagine life without it,” she says. I look away. Have I taken my magic for granted? “Come on we should go the banquet I’m sure it’s going to start soon,” she says. I nod as I follow Celes and sure enough, there is another banquet.

We sit next to each other and I feel a strange comradery I haven’t felt before. I feel like she is more of a friend than a colleague for once. We are eating and chatting merrily. “Did you hear that Terra?” Celes starts. “We don’t have to go out next time. Emperor Gestahl is sending Kefka out,” she says with a sigh of relief. “I could use the break,” she says taking a sip of wine. I nod smiling in agreement. Is he going out again? I think to myself. I feel someone staring and I glance over to see Kefka’s intense gaze, he has a lopsided grin as he looks away. I look away and I know I’m blushing and I don’t know why as I raise my glass of wine to my lips. Since we have already been drinking it doesn’t take long before I’m feeling a bit dazed. I’m feeling light and warm as I head back to my room.

I sigh sitting on my bed. I lay back for a while and I’m not sleeping. I’m excited and I don’t know why I sit back up and I’m bored. I try to keep myself busy as I rummage through my things. I sit at my vanity and stare at my reflection. I wonder if I should put makeup on but I think better of it. I turn around and open my armoire. I see all the nice clothes Kefka has gifted me. I smile as my heart warms and aches at the same time. I frown swallowing for a moment. I don’t know this feeling. I’m confused as I suddenly feel the numbing feeling creeping in. I try to push it aside as I grab an outfit. It is a bit revealing but I know many seem to gaze at my direction when I put it on. I begin to change into it wondering if I put it on would Kefka gaze at me like the others do? I’m not sure, I look over myself for a moment and I feel quite confident. I want to go see him. I want to see what he does and I wonder why I’m never sent out with him. Before I know it my feet are carrying me across the palace towards his chambers and without thinking about it I knock at his door.

“Come in,” I hear him say and I come in and stand curtly. I’m happy for I feel confident and I know he will answer my question as he always does. “Ah my little firebug, what brings you here?” he asks and I step forward. I soon realize he is once again in a tunic and breeches. It isn’t the first time I’ve seen him like this before so I take a deep breath and continue on.

“I heard you will be out soon. I wish to accompany you,” I say confidently. He gives a scoff like smile before shaking his head.

“Oh no you don’t my dearest, you don’t want to accompany on such menial tasks,” he answers and I swallow before frowning.

“Why not?” I ask without thinking. He sighs as he cracks his knuckles.

“Because it is an important mission that only I must do and I alone am capable of doing,” he replies and I suddenly feel my confidence drop and I feel hurt. I feel he is avoiding the truth but I don’t know why.

“Is it because I’m not good enough?” I finally ask knowing how many times I have been scolded. He smiles as he closes his eyes for a moment. He soon sighs as he starts to kick off his boots.

“No of course not,” he says as he nears and I nod but I feel a bit bitter and angry. For once I just want to do a mission with my mentor like Celes does with General Leo.

“Fine, I understand,” I say bluntly as I turn around to leave. My chest is warm with a bit of anger but suddenly I feel a hand around my wrist and wobble as I’m pulled to a stop. The anger suddenly evaporates and my nerves suddenly rise. “Is there…something else that you need?” I ask hesitantly. He looks confused for a moment, even lost before shaking his head.

“No,” he answers in a sad defeated whisper. I stare back at him trying to see for my own eyes the man behind the mask. He is vulnerable and weak as his breathing seems to deepen as I slowly approach him. He is saddened by something and I don’t what or why but I know I have felt the same way too. I slowly raise my hand and he is still, nervous maybe and my heart starts to race that I have made him this way. His eyes closed as I gently caress his cheek, as I trace his strong cheekbones and jawline. I can feel the creamy like makeup turning into a faint dust within my fingertips and I breathe out, forcing myself to breathe. Remembering to breathe as I was holding my breath for too long.  Suddenly his hand grabs my wrist as he finally opens his eyes. I cannot help but stare longingly as he grips my wrist tightly. I start to wonder if he is upset with me. Suddenly I’m yanked forward forcefully and I’m pulled close to him and I gasp out of surprise. His other hand is on my waist and I can feel my body pressed against his. It’s warm and inviting and I can feel my temperature rise with a strange need. I hold my breath feeling this strange sensation this static like aura of magic that I only feel when I’m near him. “Go,” he finally whispers. I feel a bit disheartened as I look up into his eyes. “Go before I do something far worse,” he insists as he lets go of my wrist. I step back and I can see the pain and shame in his expression as he looks away. My heart aches, and instead, I slowly raise my hand and my hand slips between the opening of his tunic. I can feel his chest and it hot and smooth. It sends a fire down my spine. I yearn to be touched. I can feel my mouth salivate as I dare to slip my fingers lower. Feeling the intricacies of a lean muscular build. I can feel him jerk forward as his eyes open partially. I exhale and I know what I want now. I want to be with him. I suddenly slip my hand further into his tunic and get a good feel for his muscle tone. Suddenly he leans forward and grabs ahold of my shoulder and pulls me close to him once more. My breath hitches as I stare up at him full of want and need. Suddenly his lips are on mines and I immediately surrender to him. His tongue is long and strong as it dances into mines, it’s almost overpowering as I let out a moan. His lips part but never leave my skin as his lips caress my cheek before slowly pulling in near my chin. I exhale and I feel weak as I can feel my legs start to lose their strength. He is suddenly undressing and I know I can’t stop now. He takes off his tunic before pulling me towards him once more and I can almost feel my legs go out before I grab his shoulders and pull my legs up and wrap around his waist. I want him to know that I want him. We fall back upon his bed and I’m straddling on top of him. I am in control and my heart is hardened as I feel alive. I’m suddenly overtaken with want as I feel a strange need between my legs. I know I want to feel close to him as I unknot the strings on his breeches. I can feel him, though the thin material it is warm and hard. He suddenly sits up and starts to rip off my blouse. I gasp in shock it is torn but I don’t care as I finish taking it off. Sliding it off my shoulders. He pulls me down and I’m on my back as he’s back on top. He grabs my wrists and pushes them on the bed beside my head. He is overpowering me and yet I feel more intensely because of his masculine strength.  His face creeps near as I can feel his lips upon my neck. I close my eyes and sigh. “Ugh my sweet, you do not want this,” he whispers as he lips slowly slip down towards my collarbone.

“No…I want this,” I manage to answer.

I awake and it is not yet sunrise as I feel a long heavy arm wrapped around my waist. I slowly sit up as I see Kefka my mentor wrapped around the sheets sleeping softly. He looks angelic and innocent. I never have seen him like this before. I smile softly as I look around a bit more the blankets texture feels different. I think I or we may have ruined them but I’m not sure. I slowly slide off the bed and from his grasp as I dress myself up. My clothes are torn and ruined I wrap myself with one of his capes before sneaking back towards my room. I ignore the guard’s stares and salutes as I pass. I enter my room and lay down. I’m cold once more but I remember the warmth and feeling of his hands on my body and I smile. I slowly fall back to sleep. I know he will be sent off again. I bathe myself before getting dressed and practice. The next couple of days pass and I’m still pleased but I began to feel lonely and I find myself leaving the castle missing him. However, it doesn’t last long as I’m once again sent off towards a town near the Veldt once more. We are in battle and we are sent into to destroy the town. At first, Celes and I are in Magitek armor. We destroy the buildings very easily with their beams. I try my best to push away their yells of horror.

“The Emperor wants no survivors!” General Leo says. “Terra I want a wall of flame, no one gets out!” he says. I nod as I back away. A few soldiers accompany me as I take a deep breath and begin to build a wall of flame. The soldiers gun back anyone who comes near as I slowly encircle the town in flames. All the while hearing the sounds of death within. The Magitek armor soon runs out and I left to cover the rest with my own. It is much slower but I manage to do it. I’m near a forest and I am tiring when I hear a small yell. I gasp as I stop my eyes widen there are a few children trying to escape. Their eyes are wide with fear and I slowly lower my hands.

“Terra the General said no survivors!” a soldier reminds me. I shake my head.

“I know! They are just children!” I yell. They soon began to run past me and towards the forest. My men begin to raise their weapons. I raise my hand towards them threateningly. “Stand down! That’s an order!” I yell. They look nervously as they do as I say. The children escape and I can only hope they survive. Word of my disobedience gets to General Leo. He is angry but he does not scold me. He looks disappointed. I’m bitter but I do not care. When I return back to Vector I feel outcasted and alone. Even Celes seems to be avoiding me. I sigh as I walk the grounds towards my room. When suddenly I feel a familiar vibration.

“What is wrong my little firebug?” Kefka asks. I look down too ashamed to look at him as I shake my head.

“I failed again,” I reply softly.

“Terra, Terra, we have been over this,” he says condescendingly and I nod.

“I know but… I can’t stop, I can’t stop hearing them, I can’t help but feel sorry for them,” I finally let out. He walks towards me and embraces me, comforting me and I hug him tears running down my eyes. I don’t care who is watching.

I’m conflicted this war is killing me and I can’t concentrate when eating dinner. I know if I don’t eat I will be weaker when it comes time to perform again, it will be harder to summon my magic. I am lost and my feet are carrying me back to the only place I feel comfort. I don’t knock I just enter and he is facing the mirror as he usually is. He stares at me from the mirror. His blue eyes piercing surrounded by red. I close the door and lean on it. He slowly smirks as he beckons me to come near with a wag of his finger. I’m like a moth drawn to a flame as I tiredly make my way to him. I step to his side and he turns to face me. I look up to him and my lips part as I’m so near and his essence feels like the only thing sustaining me bringing me comfort. His fingers raise to push a loose strand of hair from my face and place it gently behind my ear. I close my eyes as his fingers slowly graze from my ear to my cheek, to my jaw. His thumb gently rubs my lips and I shiver as I try to turn. His other hand is on my bare shoulder while his other hand slides towards my neck. “Do you like that my little firebug?” he whispers deeply and I feel ashamed, embarrassed, that I’m enjoying his touch so much and I can feel myself slowly starting to light up. I slightly nod and release a small sigh. He grins as he slowly steps behind me and wraps his arms around my waist before sliding them up towards my breast. I gasp a little before releasing a small moan I feel weak and I feel suddenly conflicted. This isn’t how it’s supposed to be. Our relationship between master and protégé. His hands roam my body as they slowly raise back up at my neck. The tip of his nose gently caresses my neck. “I know what makes my little firebug burn,” he says before planting a painful kiss on my neck.

“Ah,” I accidentally let out as I lean forward but his hands are pulling me back. His lips are now gently planting kisses on my shoulder and neck.

“You’ve seen what happened to my bed that night you naughty girl. I know exactly what it takes to make you burn,” he teases as he pulls me near and I lean into his touch. My legs feel weak and he is hot, and I can feel his energy increasing mines and I can feel my fingers start to tingle. He really does know how to make me burn. I’m torn but at the moment I just want to accept this. I want to be touched and I want to feel this ecstasy that is growing. He sucks gently on my shoulder and I let out another moan. Suddenly there is a knock on the door.

“Tch,” he let out and pulling away. I take a deep breath finally opening my eyes and I stare at our reflections. He is sneering eying the door. The door continues to knock. “What is it?!” he finally asks out.

“Kefka, sir. Emperor Gestahl requests an audience with you, General Leo, and Cid,” the soldier behind the door answers. He growls frustrated.

“Fine!” he replies before clearing his throat. “Let the Emperor know that I am on my way,” he says more calmly. I swallow looking down. Suddenly he embraces me from behind before placing his head on my shoulders as he grins at our reflections. “Do not fret my little firebug I have not forgotten about you and as promised,” he pauses and his grin turns into a devious smirk. “I will make you burn again,” he says darkly before turning around and making his way out the door.

A couple of days pass and I have managed to keep my distance from Kefka. I’m torn and I’m terrified that I have done something seriously wrong. Though when we pass he just gently smiles and nods as if nothing has ever happened. I don’t know what this is? I no longer know who I am? I know I can’t keep away forever. Soon I return to see him. I knock once again.

“Enter!” he says curtly. I enter his room and he is sitting on a chair and reading a book. I make my way towards his mirror and sit and stare. He has so many scarves and different types of cosmetics. I’m tempted to grab one of the items and put one on but I don’t know how he would react. I soon find myself wondering by his bed and he is reading intently as if he’s in another world. Soon I get the courage to ask what he is reading. He tells me he is helping Cid and that it will help me. Help me block the voices and help me not think about those sad images. I nod. I don’t know how it works but if Kefka thinks it will help me, then why not?

For some reason, we are not sent out as General Leo and Celes are sent out on missions. I’m confused, I’ve feared I have done something wrong and I feel that my time is up. Panic slowly starts to creep up on me and though I try very hard not to think or stare at him. I am always caught. When he talks briefly before the others, he is always curt, though his surreptitious touches, flick a small flame within me. They seem sweet and tender but I’m losing control. My emotions are a mess and it’s becoming harder to stay away from him. Soon my feet are moving, quickly, hasting towards his bedroom. I don’t know what’s come over me. I’m not even sure what is motivating me to do this. Once again as I enter and close the door behind me. I lean in it once more my hands behind my back and he is mostly undressed on the edge his bed, drinking it seems. His makeup is gone and I can see the man behind him once more. The same eyes but different. An image flickers I remember those eyes from way back then but now they are just a mirror of what they were long ago.

He doesn’t speak as he hops off the bed and casually struts towards me. A small smile slowly grows, his confidence is almost comedic yet it is somewhat familiar. He takes a long drink, tilting his head back, the lump in his throat protruding. Suddenly he tosses the goblet to the side and I jump slightly startled. He approaches me and I’m slightly nervous and scared. He places his hand upon the door behind me and looks down at me. He’s grimacing at first before it turns into a small smirk. “What do you want my sweet?” he asks simply in a low whisper. I turn away embarrassed. He is so near and my heart is beating quicker now.

“Touch me,” I let out almost in an inaudible whisper. He leans forward closer towards me tilting his head.

“What was that?” he asked again smugly. I take a small breath.

“I want you to make forget about everything,” I said a bit louder. He scoffed as he tilted even lower.

“That’s not what you said earlier, so tell me what you want?” he asked almost like a frustrated growl. I finally face him, glaring at him.

“Touch me…like the other day,” I finally said strongly. He smirks as he pulls away.

“Why should I? You’ve been avoiding me all week,” he said as he turned like a twirl. I stare away defeated. He is right. I’ve been fighting to keep away from him, fighting off this feeling and urges that pop into my head. I look down as my hand slowly goes for the doorknob, I grab a hold of it before turning it and it clicks. I begin to slowly slip out when suddenly the door slams shut and he is near me once more. He grabs my jaw forcefully, his thumb pressed into my jowl. I gasp scared and terrified before staring into those eyes. Suddenly his lips are firmly on mines and though I’m startled at first I slowly yield. My heart is beating faster, my temperature is rising as his tongue is dancing wildly with mines. Finally, he lets go and steps back and looks confused for a few seconds he lets out scoff like smile. “My, my sweet why is it so hard to resist you?” he says as he turns. He slumps over, he is quiet, and he looks conflicted as well. I look away finally thinking of his words. Is he struggling the same way I am? Does he feel this pain and shame? His sweet words somehow lured me like a trap. I slowly reach out to him and I wrap my arms around his waist as I embrace him tightly from behind. I lay my head upon his back and my hearts is aching but I don’t know why? What is this feeling? We are quiet for a moment but then he slowly begins to chuckle. A deep jerk like rumbling. He grabs my hand as he turns around and spins me about the room like a dance and I’m confused and excited but luckily my feet are moving as he finally stops and pulls me near.

He is gentler this time as our lips meet once more. I slowly raise my hands and place them on his cheeks and he is now biting my lower lip, his hands are sinking lower and lower and I can feel my hands start to tingle. He is lighting me up like he promised and I’m caught in the moment. I arch my back towards him as my head leans away. My hands are around his neck and he lifts me up with one strong swoop. My legs wrap around him as he turns and lowers me on his bed. We are feral like as we struggle to undress each other. Urges and needs have taken over as he holds me close and plants rough kisses all over my body. From my shoulder and collarbone slowly towards my breast. Sometimes there are painful bites and others are light and sweet. I’m starting to feel light, ecstasy is taking over and I feel nervous and I’m struggling to breathe as his tongue is on my breast, and it slowly slithering down lower. It’s rough and abnormally long. I lay back on the bed gripping the sheets as I try so very hard not to moan and whimper. He is teasing me with his tongue as I grip the sheets. “You are mine my sweet,” I hear him mutter. He finally sits up his hands sliding up toward me cupping my breast giving it a tight squeeze before pulling me back up. “I want to see you when you finally burn my firebug,” he says one hand upon my back and the other is seperating my legs as he suddenly thrust inside of me. I shudder a whimper it was a bit painful but then with each thrust, the pain slowly vanishes and I’m hot.

My arms are wrapped around him as his arms on my waist, moving me to his liking, his face is unreadable at times when he is not kissing me. His thrusts are sometimes slow and agonizing then his pace slowly quickens and I’m biting my lower lip trying hard not to moan. Though he seems to enjoy it when I’m weak and close. I can feel my fingers tingle. He slows down once again and I can breathe once more. His whispers are sometimes inaudible and slowly he begins to quicken his pace. Slow and steady then quicker and deeper. We are in rhythm as I cling on to him for dear life while we try not to moan loudly, his grunts mixed with deep breaths as our tongues dance trying to muffle the other. Guards are always near and perhaps know our secret. I can feel my fingers tingle as my nails dig into the back.

“Ugh…please…please don’t stop,” I beg. I just want to feel once more that wave of pleasure I felt last time. He smirks as he bites and sucks on my neck. He his thrusting harder now and finally I shudder a moan. I can feel myself lose control my hands are on fire and I’m pretty sure I’m burning him. He is grunting louder suddenly his hands are on fire on fire as well. I’m in pain and an ecstasy as I gasp out a yell and yet he still thrusting. I arch my back as I feel him jerk and buckle. That same wet stickiness wells inside me like a warm wave and finally he lets go and I fall back on his bed and he falls on top of me. I’m scared as the pleasure starts to fade and the pain sets in. He is still inside of me when he finally pushes himself off on top of me and stares back at me. Our breaths slowly steadying. He slowly raises his hand pushes a sweaty bang from my face and he starts to smirk and chuckle

“I told you I would make you burn,” he breathes out finally sliding out and lying next to me. It’s true he did and we’re both wounded, I know my scars will heal but I wonder if his will too.

I’m quiet as he caresses my face with the back of his hand and my eyes slowly close, it is relaxing and I feel comforted perhaps even maybe but before I can find the word my mind goes blank and the world goes dark. When I awake the sun is starting to shine and I’m on my stomach. I moan as I push myself up to see Kefka on his back next to me wrapped partially in sheets. I steady my breath my sides hurt and I quietly slide off the bed and examine them. They are already starting to heal and I wonder why this happens? Is it because of what I am? I hear Kefka moan as he turns to his side away from the light. His back is burnt badly in a wing-like shape. I feel guilty for what I have done to him but not so much as he did the same after all. I get dressed and once again I walk back to my room, ignoring the guard’s stares and salutes.

I’m walking around the grounds and Celes and General Leo has returned. She looks weary and pale as she stares at me. I look up at her briefly and smile they have returned. Though the look on her face she is not happy to see me. I begin to turn around when suddenly I hear footsteps approach.

“Terra! Terra…I need to talk,” she says as she cautiously approaches me. I turn crossing my arms and blink a few time forcing myself to smile in return.

“Yes…you’re back and safe,” I finally force myself to say something. She nods and smiles as she slowly approaches me as if I was about to attack her.

“Terra, I have returned and I’ve…I’ve heard some rumors,” she said looking away apprehensively as she comes closer and her voice lowers with step.

“Rumors? What kind of rumors?” I ask softly confused.

“It’s about Cid’s new invention and the Emperor,” she starts looking away in a low hush whisper. I look away as well and I suddenly become nervous. “They said they have created a device that will control everything you do,” she said simply. I look at her confused.

“You mean the one Kefka helped created? He said…it would help me get over my fear of…war and the pain of hurting others,” I answer to the best of my recollection. She shakes her head.

“No Terra, it will get rid of all emotions, all power to control one's actions…you’ll be a slave… that’s why it’s called a Slave Crown,” she said seriously. “They want to put it on you soon, it’s almost done and they want to test it out,” she said seriously. Suddenly the words finally sink through and I slowly hug myself as I struggle to breathe, my heart is racing, and I’m suddenly scared.

“Why…” I utter my voice breaking. “It can’t be possible Kefka and Cid would never do that,” I say shaking my head. Celes frowns as she looks past me and steps back.

“I don’t know…we have done horrible things, Kefka has done horrible things I wouldn’t put it pass Kefka or The Emperor for stooping so slow,” she said looking away ashamed. “The Emperor he wants more…more power and let’s face it, you got it, Terra,” she said as she turns away and walks towards a unit.

I’m pale as I return back to my room, my appetite is lost and the calm, euphoric feeling from the night before is gone and replaced with confusion and horror. I don’t want to believe it, I just can’t? Would he do that to me? I lay on my bed I feel so sad… so empty,  so depressed. I don’t want to believe it but deep down I know it’s true. I have been blinding myself, I know who he is deep down. Even if he treats me different than the others. I cry myself to sleep. I try to act as if I know nothing of their plans but I can feel it when the others stare at me. The brief glimpses of sadness or pity? I don’t know which it is to be sure. I try to reason why Cid would create such a thing? However, he has created many other things that are morally questionable. We have all done things that may not be forgivable. Though I’m able to ignore the stares of the others. I can’t when it comes to him. Kefka he stares at me it is a glaring sadness. But when I do manage to stare back at him my hurt is replaced with anger. I leave to my room early after dinner. As I walk back to my room I hear footsteps behind me. Fearing that is Kefka I began to quicken my pace.

“Terra,” I hear softly and I stop and turn. It is Cid and I don’t know what to do as I just stare. “I know… you may not want to see me or talk but there is something I must show you,” he says. “Something I should have shown you long ago,” he said. My eyes narrow and I push aside the anger as I nod. I follow him through the castle and he takes me towards his lab. It has been years since I’ve been here. I walk in and at a distance, I see a copper like circle object in a distance on a table and I wonder if that is it. The Slave Crown. Though he keeps walking into a back room and it’s even bigger than I imagined. They are large Crystals with things inside them and large containers, coffin like containers.

“What is this?” I finally ask. He looks down and is silent.

“These are Espers… at least what remains of them,” he finally says. I snap my head at his direction. Espers. I know that word. It is said I was one of them or part of them? I look around confused and in awe.

“Why are they here? I thought they were all lost?” I asked as I finally draw near one of the larger crystals. Cid shakes his head.

“No not all of them and the ones that were found. They were used for our experiments. How do you think Magitek was created, Terra?” he finally asks as I run my hands along one of the crystals and I wonder who or what is inside it. Do they have a name? Are they alive? “Terra, are you listening?” Cid asks and I finally look back at him confused. “These beings are how Kefka and Celes came to be imbued with Magic,” he continued. “We drained them and transferred their essence and power into Kefka and Celes,” he admits. Suddenly I become numb and angry as I step back to look around once more.

“How… could you do this? To them? Why?” I ask out confused. He looks away ashamed.

“For the Empire and in the name of science,” he admits. I step back and I hug myself. “Kefka was a prototype the first experiment. We used three different Espers on him at the same time…twice…I’m afraid it was too much, shattered him,” he said scratching the back of his head. “When Celes was finally infused, it was much smaller doses of weaker Espers,” he said. I shake my head I can’t believe what I’m seeing and I suddenly I feel it. The pain all around me but it’s not mine, it’s theirs, I sense it. I turn around and I leave not wanting to hear any more. Not wanting to be overwhelmed by hate and anger. Knowing at this moment I can do nothing. I slowly try to push back the tears that slip out before drifting asleep. When I awake I lie there staring at the ceiling in my suffocating room and an anger slowly covers my heart, encasing it with fear and anger. I know I need to leave, I need to escape. I get dressed and force myself to eat breakfast I try my best to act as if I know nothing, I know I will need my strength.

When I’m walking back to my room I hear him.

“Terra,” he says curtly. I stop suddenly and I can’t force myself to turn and look at him. “Why have you been avoiding me?” he asks as he nears and I push the lump in my throat threatening to come out in form of tears. Instead, I try to remember her words. He is near as he faces me finally and pushes a few loose strands of hair from my face. I push back the pain when I hear him whisper. “You know I miss you so,” and my heart breaks as I look at him full of hurt and anger. My hands are in fists as I try hard not to scream, run, or attack.

“Celes told me what the device does, she says it’s a slave crown. I will have absolutely no control over what I do!” I finally yell. “And you helped made it!” I finally let out and I cannot take it as I turn and walk hastily back to my room. I can’t afford to draw any more attention to myself. I close the door and the tears finally come out. It hurts, it hurts so much. Is this what betrayal feels like? Is this what? No, it can’t be that’ not what people say it feels like. I sob trying to calm myself as I struggle to breathe and I feel my chest jerk forward. I turn around and hold the door when I finally realize that he knows and that they might be coming after me at this moment. I run towards my drawer I grab a cloak, my sword, some money and I make my way out.

I’m able to calmly walk out. I suppose I have not raised any suspicion my eyes are still watery and red as I try not to look at anyone when I finally walk out of Vector I place my cloak on. Then I stop with the slow realization that I do not know where to go. I have nowhere to run. The Empire controls almost all forms of major transportation.  I am scared as I force myself to keep walking. I find travelers walking in both directions. I sometimes offer my help to defend them.  I finally make my way to the town of Maranda. It is beautiful and calm but there is a sadness underneath it as well. The fake smiles the people wear as they greet mirror my own. When I start to worry about where I need to hide I panic. I know I need to get off the continent but I don’t know how. Soon guards are everywhere and I’m able to hide but they are searching, always searching and I know if I don’t leave the town soon, something far worse might happen.

I slowly try to escape in my attempt to not look anyone in the eye I bump into a soldier. He immediately grabs my arm.

“Wait!” he says as he pulls me close and takes off my hood.  He gasps as I finally look up at him and I am revealed. “She’s here! I’ve found her! Sergeant, Dame Terra has been found!” I pull my arm away and I step back bringing out my sword and I point it up to him threateningly. Though other soldiers soon gather around me and my other hand lights up with flame as easy as never before. Everyone steps back and gasps.  I look around briefly as they raise their guns and weapons at me and I see the fear and panic of the townsfolk. Innocents and fear two things I’m tired of seeing and I slowly lower my weapon and the fire in my hand dwindles down.

“Get her!” the sergeant orders and I’m quickly appended. Within a day I’m back at Vector and my hands are locked behind my back until I enter the throne room. My hands are free but they drag me across towards the throne and I see them. The Emperor, Cid, and Kefka. When I reach the step I’m forced to bow as they kick my legs from behind. I finally know how it feels to be at the other end.

“I should have you lashed,” Emperor Gestahl says simply and I cannot bother to look up. “After all, I have done for you. You dare betray me?” he asks and finally, I look up swallowing hard trying hard not to talk back. “Raised you, trained you, taught you how to read, write, fight!” he says standing up. “And you are not grateful!” he says as he nears and I can feel and see it the anger radiating from him before he raises his hand and slaps me across the face. I feel my cheek sting and my jaw hurt, I think a ring of his has even cut me. I look back at him struggling as I taste the blood that’s slipping out of my mouth.

“I will never fight for you again! I’m tired of killing! Haven’t we conquered enough?” I finally asked in protest.

“I should have left you there to die, rotting in your mother’s arms,” he says and I can’t believe what I just heard. My eyes widen in realization. Did they kill my mother? Have I been working for the man who had destroyed my family all this time? My head drops and even though I did not want to I can no longer fight the tears threatening to come. I feel defeated. “Cid, place the crown on her head,” the Emperor orders. Cid steps up shaking his head.

“I can’t do that, I don’t have the crown on me, I gave it to Kefka, besides, even if I did, I will never do that,” he says as he begins to walk away. The Emperor is furious.

“Kefka!” he yells and I’m too weak to look up.

“I am sorry my liege I do not have the crown on me at the moment,” he says and I know it’s a lie. I slowly raise my head to look up at him, wondering why would he lie about such a thing when suddenly a sharp pain in the back of my head and everything is black.

When I awake my head aches and I hear nothing but the sounds of wind as if I’m high on top a mountain. My vision clears and I realize I’m tied down to the chair. I jerk a bit before I look around and realize where I am at. The tower, the metal tower that looms above all. So high above that, the only way out is through the door in front of me or death. I’m sure it’s locked and then I slowly realize I’m defeated. My anger subsides and nothing but a numbing realization comes to me when I hear his voice.

“My sweet little magic user,” he mutters to himself and he releases a small chuckle. My heart drops and for a moment I have hope. Hope that he won’t do it but my brain knows it’s just false. “With this slave crown, you’ll be all mine!” I hear him say from behind and a mixture of emotions and thoughts swirl in my head. I do not even realize he has made himself in front of me. When he finally hovers above holding the crown as if it was made of gold and jewels. I slowly look up, eyes wide, almost pleadingly, as my lips part to breathe. When I finally see him he is not staring at me but only the crown. Then finally he looks back down at me and the eyes I see are hidden. Cloaked by a mask I can no longer realize and only for a brief second I see the sadness and betrayal behind them. I finally close my eyes as I slowly lower my head. It’s going to happen no matter what. No matter how much I struggle not even if I use magic, I will still be trapped and alone. Perhaps death is better? Though soon after I feel it the cold metal around my head before a tingling electrical magical feel.

It is like I am in a dream the room is like a fog and I can no longer feel my body the way it’s supposed to feel. I’m just a ghost trapped inside someone else’s body. When he nods my head nods as well. I can only see his chest and the detail of his clothes as I hear him laugh.

**Author's Note:**

> I originally wanted to write till the crown was removed but thought it was way too long already. The time lapse of what Kefka and Terra went through when the crown was on her. However, I might make another addition to this story. Though I'm torn on which point of view because like this one, they would each have their own thoughts and struggles and I wonder if third person would do it any justice. But alas, here we are please be kind and leave a review.


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